Rating: R, adult themes, occasional language,
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Tosh/Owen,
Spoilers: None that I know of
Summary: A new way to pick up someone in a bar!!
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they belong to RTD and the BBC. I am just experimenting with them....
Written for the longliveianto bingo: My Best Friends An Alien - 1259 words
“So, come on then, who’s round is it this time?”
“Rhys don’t you ever give up?”
“No lover, not when you lot earn more than me!”
They laughed. Owen extracted his arm from around Tosh’s shoulder. “Think it’s my turn.”
They all nodded in approval. A few months ago Owen would have done anything to get out of paying for a round. But Tosh was slowly taming him and the rest of them were pleased to see how happy the couple were.
“Right, same again then is it?”
They all nodded in agreement.
As Owen was waiting at the bar something out the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked down to see a black rectangular box next to the bar stool he was perched on. Slowly getting down, not wanting to draw attention to himself, he knelt to take a closer look.
The others had seen him bend down but couldn’t quite see what he was looking at or for.
“He must have dropped some money then.” Quipped Ianto “he’s the only man I know who’ll count every last penny in his pocket. Go see what he’s lost Tosh, we’re dying of thirst here.”
“Ianto you can be cruel sometimes.”
“And you wouldn’t want me any other way!”
Jack leant over and whispered “I want you every way there is my love” and kissed him.
Before Tosh could see what was interesting Owen, he came across. “Tosh I need your help. There’s a box under that bar stool and….”
“And here we were thinking you’d dropped a penny!”
“Thanks tea boy, but I’m being serious, I don’t know what it is and I don’t want to panic everyone. Tosh, can you scan it for me and tell me whether we need to be concerned.”
“No worries sweetheart”
Tosh went over to the bar and made out she’d dropped something. Scanning the object she called Jack over.
“I can say that it’s definitely alien, but other than that, until I get it back to the Hub and do more tests, I can’t say anymore.”
“Right that settles it. Ok gang sorry to break up the party, but we need to get this back. Look it doesn’t need all of us. Gwen, why don’t you take Rhys home….and, well, see what comes up!”
Rhys was just finishing the last of his pint when Jack’s comment caused him to splutter, choke and spray the drink over the table.
“Thanks Jack” smiled Gwen, “I’m sure we could find something to occupy ourselves.” She leant over and kissed Rhys “couldn’t we love?” They laughed at the shocked but pleased look on Rhys’ face.
Back at the Hub, Tosh was running checks on the box when a gap opened up in the side of it and out crawled what could only be described as a pixie. The first person it saw was Owen, it made a type of high pitched squeak and launched itself at him, attaching tightly to his arm.
“Aaagh how sweet, Owens made a new friend!”
“Thanks tea boy, now will someone kindly remove this….this thing! I want to get Tosh home for some much needed sleep.”
“Oh yeah, and you comment on our sleep patterns Dr Harper. Are you sure that’s what you do?”
Jack saw Tosh blush, and thought how good being in love suited her.
“Thanks for that Jack.”
“My pleasure Owen.”
Tosh went to help Owen extract the creature from his arm. But as she got near, it began hissing and her. She moved away and it calmed down again.
“Look, try coming at it from the other direction.”
She tried again but still it hissed.
“Oh a jealous type!”
“Jack this is not funny. Tosh try something to distract it.”
Tosh approached Owen from the other side and went to kiss him, thinking it would make the alien curious to what they were doing. Wrong. The second their lips touched, Owens new friend spat a blue slime at Tosh.
“Yeuk! Thanks for that bright idea Owen.”
“Sorry lover, I’ll get you cleaned up once we get out of this situation.”
“Tosh move away from Owen, I want to try something.”
“Erm, Jack you’re not going to kiss me are you?”
“No Owen, I want to see its reactions when I get closer to you.”
Jack moved to the right side of Owen and went to pat the alien. It began purring and appeared to be singing. “Just as I thought. It’s female!”
“Just how do you work that one out?”
“Look at the evidence. It’s attached to you – male – Tosh approached you, it spat at her, I’ve just petted it, it’s now singing – definitely female.”
“Ok we’ve established it’s a she. Now please can we get it off me, my arms going numb.”
“I have an idea.”
“Come on then, quickly, I do want to go home tonight.”
“Right, Ianto it’s going to let you get close so, sorry Owen this has to be done, I’m sorry Tosh.”
“Stop saying sorry and JUST GET ON WITH IT! Whatever it is.”
Jack grinned “I’m just going to have to kiss you Owen!”
Tosh giggled, Owen spluttered and Ianto smiled a wicked smile.
“Oh you’re loving this aren’t you, I can see by the looks on your faces.”
“Well you will pick up strange women in bars!”
“Not anymore, not now I’ve got Tosh” and he smiled at his lover and made her blush again.
“Ready? Are we ready? As I go in for the kiss, Ianto you grab hold of it and pull. Tosh you have the box ready and Owen….”
Jack moved closer, the creature began purring and humming louder. Jack kissed Owen, Ianto went to pull the creature off, but before he could get hold of it a lightning bolt shot from an arm of the alien sending him across the Hub. He crash landed against the corner of a desk. He was gone.
“IANTO” Jack shouted as he left Owen and went to his lover.
“Ianto, sweetheart wake up. Now look what you’ve done. Are you satisfied?”
“Hey Jack, it wasn’t me!”
“I’m not talking to you Owen, I’m talking to….to….THAT!”
The creature turned its head and stopped purring.
“Look what you’ve done. He’s done nothing to harm you. Come on. Look. He’s all I have. What are you going to do, what am I going to do, you’ve killed him.”
The alien looked from Owen to Jack to Ianto and appeared upset at the sight of a crumpled Ianto being cradled in Jack’s arms.
Tosh was too quick for it. As it scurried past her she dropped its box on top, re-capturing it inside.
Jack kissed Ianto “Come on sweetheart, come back to me.”
“Nnnngh JACK! What happened?”
“Owens new best friend thought you were female and attacked you when you tried to move it.”
“Mmmm but Jack, we both know I’m not female.”
“Oh yeah, and you can show me again later.”
“Oi, boys please, we’re still here. We don’t want to know what you’re doing later.”
“Only, I suspect, what the pair of you will be doing. Right Tosh?”
Tosh blushed again and went to kiss Owen. “Mmmm sounds good to me” she whispered.
“Ok the pair of you, go home. It’s been a long night, we’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Don’t go picking up anymore strange women in bars!”
They all laughed except Owen as Tosh took his hand and took him home to bed.